Gwynedd man opens up about harrowing rape hell at hands of his partner who wouldn't let him wash and controlled how much he ate

A victim of domestic abuse has spoken out about his “years of relationship hell” with the man who raped him.

The 26-year-old man from North Wales says he was mentally and physically abused by his partner and was left a “nervous wreck” by his violent and controlling behavior.

The man, who is originally from Gwynedd, said: “He abused me in many ways, mentally more than anything.

“It started almost as soon as I moved to live with him.

“He had access to my Facebook and my phone which he frequently went through while I slept. And he had access to my finances.

“He would often lock me out of the house or hide my keys.

“He used to turn off my alarm so I was late for work.

“Sometimes he refused to let me shower and he began controlling my food portions.

“I wasn’t allowed to go out without him as we were ‘a couple’ but it was totally fine for him to go out alone while I had to stay in and do domestic tasks he had set.”

It was almost a year in to the relationship before the victim realised that he was being mentally abused and it wasn’t long before the mental abuse turned physical.

He added: “It got physical a couple of times. I fought back the first time and he was arrested but I dropped the charges.

“The second time, he attacked me while we were in bed – he kicked me in the ribs.

“I remember falling out of the bed, not being able to breathe and he just lay there as if nothing had happened.

“Physically the worst thing he ever did was rape me.

“The beatings I could handle but he took away any intimacy between us when he raped me.”

Half of young men have suffered emotional abuse’

According to Welsh Government statistics on their Live Fear Free wesite, (www.livefearfree.gov.wales), 75% of girls and 50% of boys between the ages of 16 and 24 have experienced some form of emotional abuse from their partner.

Despite being aware that he was being abused, he remained in the relationship because he began to feel like no one else would want to be with him after this ordeal.

It wasn’t until the 26 year old found out that his abuser had cheated on him that he decided to leave.

But after five months apart and continuous begging from his ex-partner, he decided to return in the hope that they could make the relationship work.

“I was there for another nine months, but our relationship had lost it’s intimacy and he began accusing me of having affairs and it all became too much.

“He started trying to convince me that I had a mental health disorder and that I needed help.

“I could see that this was never going to work and I was stupid to try at this point.

“In September last year I found an opportunity and I took it, I packed and I left for good.”

Eight months on and the victim, who was just 23 years old at the time the abuse began, says he is still feels as though he is a shell of his former self and admits that leaving his partner – who he’d moved hundreds of miles to be with – was one of the hardest things he has ever had to do.

“I’m still finding my way, figuring out who I am again. I’m rebuilding myself and my life independently.

“All I’d say to people in a similar situation is, it won’t be easy, but the best things in life aren’t easily attainable.

“Don’t push people away, you might not want to tell them what’s going on behind closed doors but your nearest and dearest aren’t stupid, they know when something is wrong.

“Anyone can be a victim of abuse.

“Once you open yourself up to someone and trust them implicitly, they know your weaknesses and unfortunately, some will exploit that, it’s a risk we take.

“Coming forward is necessary in the fight to stop abuse.

“Who is to say that my ex won’t abuse his next partner?

“I came forward and said my piece, whether or not anything changes, I did my best.”

It is believed at one in four women and one in six men will be affected at sometime in their lives by domestic abuse.

In September 2014, North Wales Police launched a Domestic Ause Action Plan to help those who are experiencing domestic abuse and enable them to have the confidence to break free from the abuse cycle they are in.

To report incidents of domestic abuse, in an emergency dial 999 or for non-emergencies dial 101 in Wales or 0845 6071002 from outside Wales.