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Mama’s Boys have been getting a lot of attention these days. The issue with them is showing up on blogs, the entertainment news shows, and even a new reality show called “Momma’s Boys” (produced by Ryan Seacrest). A producer approached us to see if we had a client and his mother who would appear on a national morning show! We couldn’t oblige because the kind of mama’s boy they were looking for and the type these others are putting their attention on is a kind of mama’s boy we have never met. And we are the mama’s boy-daddy’s girl experts!
The type of mama’s boy getting the most attention these days is the one we call “The Apron Strings Boy.” This type can blind people to the reality that mama’s boys come in a variety of personalities. There are at least three other types of mama’s boys. They might surprise you but you will recognize them. There are also at least four types of daddy’s girls. You will recognize them too. You know, you rarely find a mama’s boy without a daddy’s girl! Understanding the following types can help you get a handle on how to improve the romance you share with your adult mama’s boy or daddy’s girl.
When a mama’s boy travels incognito, chances are he is The Bully. His machismo and dominant personality can make you think twice before calling him a mama’s boy. However, if he uses verbal or physical aggression to push against the women in his life, he is a mama’s boy! Mama’s boys, through no fault of their own, lost the opportunity to bond with their fathers, learning that their power comes from within. As a result, they spend their lives either pulling on or pushing against the women in their lives in order to confirm their masculinity. A woman cannot give a man his masculinity no matter how hard either of them tries.
The Apron Strings Boy that we have mentioned is the man who, whether single or married, will not make a decision to act without his mother’s input or approval. He is comfortable with his mother’s influence in his life. Whereas his wife or girlfriend finds his mother to be interfering, he will defend her activity in his life. If you place him in the position of having to choose between you, his mother will win.
Some mama’s boys have so much feminine energy that we call such a one The Nurturing Man. This man is comfortable being “Mr. Mom.” He loves nurturing the women and children in his life and is the number one reason we say being a mama’s boy or loving one can be a very good thing! The challenge here is that he still needs to be respected as a man and his wife needs opportunities to let down, relax, and be the receptive one. Role reversal works best when both individuals fully agree to it and have the option of spending time in the traditional roles.
The fourth type of mama’s boy is the soft male. This man is challenged when it comes to taping into his masculine potency and taking action. Because he needs his woman’s permission to act, he most exemplifies the mama’s boy who pulls on his woman to get a sense of his masculinity. Rather than being either the masculine or feminine energy in the relationship, he is most like an insecure teenager who cannot quite make the leap to adulthood.
A woman can be a daddy’s girl because she either tried to take his place with her mother or her mother’s place with him. This explains why a woman estranged from her father can still be a daddy’s girl. Here, we begin with The Tom Boy. She is the one who loved sports, camping, cars, or other masculine interests in childhood. She identified with her dad then and still does. As she works to please him and take care of him through her life choices, she tends to be successful out in the world. However, her fixation on him undermines her success in romance.
Another type of daddy’s girl is The Little Princess. This woman can come across as feminine and very much in love with herself. It isn’t true self-love, however, because she does not know how to get fulfillment from within. Seeking it outside herself, she believes she will be happy when her man figures out how to please her. Her self-centeredness and belief that the world revolves around her reveals that she is daddy’s little princess.
Any type of daddy’s girl can express her desire to take care of the men in her life through bullying, submissive, or martyred ways. However, The Longsuffering Wife is the daddy’s girl type that stands the greatest risk of being taken for granted and suffering deep resentment in the process. She puts everyone ahead of herself, attempting to be the great earth mother. She asks entirely too much of herself, trying to be the kind of mother and wife that would make either or both of her parents proud.
The fourth daddy’s girl is The Father Knows Best Girl. She is the one who cannot make a decision without her father’s input or opinion. She believes no one will love her the way he did. If he is no longer a part of her life, she pines for his influence. If he was affectionate, she pines for that as well. If he was dismissive, she longs to prove to him that she is his girl after all. Like The Soft Male, this woman is stuck in a kind of adolescence, unable to make the leap into full adulthood.
If you recognize yourself or someone you love from these descriptions, you can use the information here to understand yourself or that loved one better. This can give you a measure of patience with behavior that may have made you feel like pulling your hair out before now! You can see where you need to lean in the direction of wholeness as well. Without making him, her, or yourself wrong, how can you encourage the independent adult within to show up once in awhile and then celebrate that?
Mama’s boys and daddy’s girls are everywhere! Learning how to get along with respect and cherishing, and learning how to grow ourselves up a little more, is the secret to greater happiness.
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